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Friday, October 5, 2007

Time just goes by

I can't believe how fast it does sometimes. I feel like I just found out I was pregnant, and here I am almost done with my first trimester. I feel like I just got married, and here we are nearing 2 years of marriage. I feel like I just had my first daughter Alana, and she's already 5. I had a friend recently have a death in her family of someone close, and she never really got a chance to say goodbye. Time, no matter what, will go on, and life will go on no matter if you are ready, no matter how you feel about things. Sometimes it can be your friend, and sometimes it can be your worst enemy. Time can heal all wounds...I don't know about that one. It sounds nice to say, but it isn't really true. Wounds can run deep, and if they aren't treated right away, they will turn into an infection that will rot your core..never healing completely. Sure it can be covered up, but it's still sore.

I used to be ill, and I mean ill as in ill in personality. I think I have a strong personality, strong opinions. But I didn't really know how reign in the feistiness and use it as a tool to inspire or to help people. I still don't have it down completely, but I'm learning. During that time, there were many friendships that weren't nurtured, and therefore died. Now, I think that I can go back and try to be friends with these people, but they aren't having any of it. Which is really sad, because I hear it directly from them, whether in a blog, emails, bulletins, important it is to love people the way Jesus loved us. How it's 'people that matter..'. It's one of those things that gets me angry, because I feel like here I am, going out on a limb, putting aside my pride, so I can love on you. The things that Jesus did were not easy, but they had the biggest rewards. If we all just did things, and changed things in our lives that were "easy" to do, and make us feel all warm inside at the moment-what kind of reward would that give us? I think the reward of a healed friendship or relationship is just a little bit harder than that.

God will do amazing things inside of us if we continue to do the things that make us uncomfortable. He will change the way we feel or react to things if they are unloving. He will change that selfishness into complete lovingness for that person. Believe me, people that I thought I could never, ever, ever think of in a positive light, I find myself praying for all the time. And not saying that I am awesome because of this, because sometimes right after that prayer, the enemy will remind me of all the things that made me angry in the first place and attack me with feelings of resentment. But you know what, it's ok. Everything is a battle, and no one will get it right all the time. God is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine, and I think that covers just about every battle that you or I will face in our lives.

And that makes me feel good.

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