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Monday, January 26, 2009

Re-evaluations (Did I even spell/say that right?)

Lines.

They are there for a reason. Of course you say, to not be crossed. But they get crossed all the time, every day. Relationships can be very, very, tricky. My husband says that there are certain lines with us, that shouldn't even be pushed, don't even get near it, he says. I'm going to let you in on a certain personal experience I went through this past weekend.

An amazing friend of mine had a little get together to play some Xbox, and sing some American Idol. We had a GREAT time. Jason had to leave a little earlier than others since he had to be awake really early for work. He saw I was having alot of fun with the girls, so he offered the idea of me having a sleepover, and I was STOKED. What a great guy!

So, be the end of the evening's festivities, one of our guy friends also had to stay over at Jess's house, on the couch. I slept in their guest room (comfy bed, thanks guys!), and that was that. I didn't think it was a big deal at the time, I was just interested in going to sleep. By morning time, he was gone, so I didn't even see him.

When I told Jason about the sleeping arrangements, he wasn't mad, he was just a little dissapointed..which is worse I think. We talked about it a good long time, and that's when we started talking about lines, "no lines were crossed, obviously, but I feel like you were about 100 yds behind that line. And I don't even want you there." Ok, I can totally see his point of view. Now this person that stayed over and slept on the couch is a great person, just the fact that he is of the male species is what got Jason in a bit of a tizzy. LOL. We didn't really have an arguement, just a discussion, and through that I promised that if I say it's going to be a girl's sleepover, it's gotta be just that.

So back to the reevaluating thing, I think there are certain things I might change in my life, just so I can be even healthier (mentally and physically), but still enjoy all that life has to offer. I really want to live a life that pleases God, and I know, I KNOW, I can do better with certain things. I know no one is perfect, and no matter how hard I try, I will never be. But I think a "new" effort will be one that will put a smile on Jesus's face.

Things I would love to work on with myself:

1) Cussing. Plain and simple, I love to cuss. I specifically like to say the F word. I've started to replace it with "effer". Hey, progress is progress. And also, shit. I say that alot too. I don't want my kids to pick up on my potty mouth!

2)Reading the bible on a continual basis. Praying. And praying some more. I've seen problems arise in my life, and I have to admit-I've tried to solve problems myself rather than turn to God. Not a good idea!

3) It's so secret I like to drink on occasion. I LOVE tequila. I would never cut alcohol out of my life (especially tequila! LOL) completely-but I would like to cut down a bit on special occasions. Ya gotta understand, I am puertorican, and for festivities, we would drink and have a party. It's all fun and games when we're young and fresh, but I'm pushing 30 so I think I need to pull back on the reigns from time to time.

4) Being a model for my kiddos. I want them to admire me, not just for working out and doing yoga (my kids can do downdogs, even Isabel!) but for my love of Jesus, for my love of people that arent't all Jesus followers. I want them to know that their are people out there hurting, and that don't have all the luxueries we have..i.e. running hot water, a house, family, friends,..the list goes on and on. I want their heart to break the same way Jesus's heart breaks when he see's these things. I want them to be simplistic in everything they do, even their faith. I pray they never get wrapped up in legalistic religion, and that their heart always stays open to newness. I want them to LOVE until it hurts. If you love your friend, tell them. If you love your kids, tell them too---along with a bunch of hugs and kisses from both parents. Love your parents-even if they piss you off from time to time, ha. Have a kind heart. Be understanding. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt.

So, no easy transition here. I have alot to work on! I'm sure I will fall and stumble along the way, but I always know that I have friends that have the same mindset I do, and they will help me. (you guys know who you are..:)) I love you Jason, for not judging me, but guiding me, as a loving husband should.

Love, Demi

3 comments:

Matt and Brooke said...

Matt and I have a spousal rule not to be alone with the opposite sex in a room, car, etc. It def helps us avoid temptation and unwanted thoughts. It may be hard to do at times but it's totally worth keeping our marriage pure.

Jen said...

What a great and open post. I love it that you told that story about the sleep over. My husband is also very protective and would have not liked those sleeping arrangements. I think he has to watch himself so that he doesn't become too jealous...but I also want to be as respectful to our marriage as possible. I would never want to do anything, even innocent as it is, that would put our relationship at jeapordy. You are a smart girl (and a great wife) to have had this discussion with your hubby and to have understood each other on this.
on another note...
It's amazing what we can do (or keep from doing) when we remember our little ones are watching! :o)

Demi Eliese said...

Amen, girls! Thanks for the encouragement and your input. God hates divorce, therefore HE Loves marriage.